I have things (posts) planned for this space. I want to talk about the books I've read, the few movies I've seen, the series I've obsessed over, the places I've visited... I can't exactly give you proof so you'll have to trust me. I have plans.
For a while, a short while, I sat down to think about what was going to be my first post of the year and I had come to the conclusion that I was going to write a look back on 2018. My 2018. But it's not. I will probably end up writing about the past year, at some point, soon. But not here and not now.
I've had a few things on my mind for the past few days (note: it's actually been over a week) and I feel like putting them down. I started this thing on a break from work, on a piece of paper, as I waited for my boss to finish something because we needed to sit down and talk about the article I'm currently editing. And while I waited, I did what most people nowadays do: I grabbed my phone and and went to scroll a little bit on Instagram. Between the selfie of a friend and the picture of a rugby player scoring a try, I came across a beautiful waterfall. A landscape so gorgeous it automatically makes you dream of peaceful walks and quiet moments of introspection. And though I could have easily felt jealous, I didn't. See, this was not the picture of some sort of influencer. This picture had been taken by a friend of mine who's currently travelling, and instead of feeling jealousy I simply felt happy. The feeling is a bit strange and foreign as my own life is far from being this glamorous and/or exotic at the moment. This whole thing here started with me sitting in my office, at my desk, waiting for instructions about what to do next. There's a bare tree right outside my window, the sky is grey, it's January (note: it's now February, booooh me for not posting this sooner) in Paris but I feel all warm inside. The kind of warmth you usually feel when you drink a very hot cup of tea or sit by a fire. The kind of warmth that you feel when you've been lying in the sun for a few minutes or the one that emanates from a summer sunset.
As I was thinking about what I had to say about my 2018, this particular warmth was the only thing I could think about. Literally. And don't get me wrong I have done things last year, lots of them, I even pushed my boundaries and went out of my comfort zone a few times. I visited my fair share of incredible places and attended really cool events. But nothing came close to this.
This not about friendship. Still not. Mostly because I haven't become a philosopher or essayist in the past few months (note: I do have all four of my wisdom teeth though that has to mean something), meaning I haven't found the recipe for flawless friendship. Also because I still have no clue how to be the perfect friend. This is about that warm feeling and what friends have taught me.
My faraway friends taught me that distance has nothing on being there for each other, distance only means you can't see each other as much as you'd like. You have to find your way of making things work, whether it's setting a WhatsApp group or sending each other Christmas cards. Sometimes it's as easy as "omg it's snowing here, what's the weather like in Germany?" or "I just saw your Snapchat, that Australian beach looks like a dream". Sometimes it gets harder and you have to admit that life isn't as fun when you can't go for coffee together. A simple "I miss you" is not that hard to send and you will most probably get a "I miss you too" back. Now, I'm not saying it will be the case for everyone, every time, but from what I've learnt this is what you'll get. The key is to find alternatives. You might find yourself having to film a video tour of your flat because they can't see it in real life, or requesting a voice note just because you don't remember what they sound like. But once you have them, your faraway friends don't seem so far away and it makes you feel a little warm inside.
The friends I have reconnected with taught me that it's not always about being a constant presence in each other's lives. From time to time, it's all about being in the background. Not hidden but discrete. It's about reaching out when one of you needs help, encouragement or comfort. It's showing up to say "congratulations", "you're doing well", "I'm glad". It's sending a picture of a beautiful man and saying "sweet dreams". It's sharing the picture of a gorgeous gown and saying "thought you might like it". I think it just goes to show that friendship is not always much, not always difficult. In a very interesting way, it can be quite simple. I find this quite sweet and it makes me warm inside.
The friend(s) I've lost taught me the most. Boy they have... Jealousy shouldn't be a thing. Not in a friendship anyway as it is not a monogamous relationship: you do not become friends with someone expecting to be their only friend. Or you shouldn't anyway. It makes things complicated and incredibly unhealthy. At first you may think that it's nice, or even sweet. Isn't it heartwarming that someone should want to be with you, to do things with you? But then it might get to the point where you'll overthink your every move. I know I did. Should I go there on my own? They've always wanted to go, it's not really fair if I go and they don't. Is it okay if I see this person? They'll make it clear that I should've hung out with them instead. Can I post this picture with my new friends? They'll sulk for a few days. There's no place for that. I've also learnt that time and distances are only excuses. You shouldn't push people away when they try to help and know when to accept said help. There's no reason not to celebrate your friends' achievements. These friends, old friends, ex-friends taught me everything that I expect from my friendships and the kind of friend I want to be. Having this knowledge makes life easier and it for sure makes me feel warm inside.
This is still not about friendship. However, this is still about my friends. The forever kind. This is about the friends who go on holidays with you, on adventures with you, on long walks with you. The ones who buy you almond milk because "normal" milk gives you stomachaches and honey because you have a sore throat. The ones who make sure you take paracetamol on a regular basis. The ones who let you put your mess in their backpack because your own bag is too small. The ones who get you a glass of water in the middle of the night because you've been coughing for hours. It's about the friends who jump in front of your camera when you're trying to get a video clip of your surroundings, who visit bookshops with you and who will make you laugh like a crazy person in a museum. The friends who go to the shops early in the morning of January 1st to get bread for breakfast. The ones who share their makeup with you, read with you, nap with you. The friends who will take you out for drinks but will go home early with you for a cup of tea. The friends who will take you away from the craziness, play cards in a restaurant with you, listen to buskers with you. The ones who will buy matching hats and caps from a university none of you attended. The ones who will jump in to take a selfie when you find good lighting, finish your food when you've had enough and randomly buy you a hot drink.
If you get as lucky as I very clearly did, you'll find yourself friends who will agree to your crazy ideas. You'll find friends who will sing Ramenez la coupe à la maison (note: you're welcome) while drunk in the streets of Dublin six months after the Football World Cup. You'll find friends who send you regular updates on their lives wanting to know how yours is going and will ask when you'll visit each other. You'll find friends who will wish you the best and hope you're loving life. You'll find friends who will make you feel all warm inside.
To be honest, this is still about my friends being the friends we all need. Here's to them, being happy for them and celebrating them. Here's to learning from them.
0 Comments